For some unknown reason it would appear that at this time of year I get a real urge to start my Blog again.
It could be I have a laptop now instead of using my clever but small phone, yay for 15.5 inches!
Monday, 7 April 2014
Tuesday, 30 April 2013
Courage to grow some
I said the serenity prayer this morning on the drive to work. I was asking for the wisdom and courage to say something in a meeting.
A particularly challenging colleague had royally pissed me off and I needed to say something about it. And I did. But now I am not sure it was the right thing to do. Balls.
I was told to grow a pair before I transferred and I didn't like that suggestion then, or the way I feel now.
But I have never been good with discomfort of any kind. Perhaps courage is uncomfortable.
I mostly want to take the edge off with something, food usually. However now I think about it I could have mugged these two young lads today for their tobacco!
No worries then, I will just have to sit in my own poo for a while. Balls.
A particularly challenging colleague had royally pissed me off and I needed to say something about it. And I did. But now I am not sure it was the right thing to do. Balls.
I was told to grow a pair before I transferred and I didn't like that suggestion then, or the way I feel now.
But I have never been good with discomfort of any kind. Perhaps courage is uncomfortable.
I mostly want to take the edge off with something, food usually. However now I think about it I could have mugged these two young lads today for their tobacco!
No worries then, I will just have to sit in my own poo for a while. Balls.
Tuesday, 23 April 2013
The Inevitable
Well I have lost my motivation. It doesn't take much, an innocent trip to the shop, followed by a massive binge, an upset tummy and the eating of binge leftovers which inevitably leads to more binging then a complete crash.
I am tired too, which doesn't help.
The thought of getting on that bloody trampette is too painful.
The Internet has told me this is to be expected and perhaps my expectations were never in line with my motivation etc blah.
It will take an outstanding feat of super human will to get me on the wagon again.
That is if I have picked the right wagon in the first place
I am tired too, which doesn't help.
The thought of getting on that bloody trampette is too painful.
The Internet has told me this is to be expected and perhaps my expectations were never in line with my motivation etc blah.
It will take an outstanding feat of super human will to get me on the wagon again.
That is if I have picked the right wagon in the first place
Monday, 22 April 2013
Well then, what's going on?
I have been withdrawing from the antidepressants for the best part of a week and still having the shocking side effects!
Been doing plenty of exercise and eating right but yesterday evening I went to get bread.
First off walked 4.4 miles because my local shop won't except a sale under £5 with a debit card (one of my pet hates) and the cash machine charges £1.80 for each withdrawal (another pet hate).
As well as bread I picked up two boxes of obscene Belgian triple chocolate cookies, on offer as two for £2.50, didn't need them, so not a bargain really. While waiting in the queue I scanned the cigarettes looking to see which would be the 'lightest' to smoke and if they sold them in 10's.
Haven't smoked in almost 8 years! Why indulge the false idea that smoking may be a good idea?
I do this, think excess food will make me feel different or take the edge off or stop the boredom. I wish the things I went for, weren't so damaging? And a bargain isn't a bargain unless you really need it.
Been doing plenty of exercise and eating right but yesterday evening I went to get bread.
First off walked 4.4 miles because my local shop won't except a sale under £5 with a debit card (one of my pet hates) and the cash machine charges £1.80 for each withdrawal (another pet hate).
As well as bread I picked up two boxes of obscene Belgian triple chocolate cookies, on offer as two for £2.50, didn't need them, so not a bargain really. While waiting in the queue I scanned the cigarettes looking to see which would be the 'lightest' to smoke and if they sold them in 10's.
Haven't smoked in almost 8 years! Why indulge the false idea that smoking may be a good idea?
I do this, think excess food will make me feel different or take the edge off or stop the boredom. I wish the things I went for, weren't so damaging? And a bargain isn't a bargain unless you really need it.
Wednesday, 17 April 2013
Calm after the storm
After blowing my top yesterday, I have had a result!
Now I feel a little bit stupid for losing my temper, it didn't get me anywhere really or maybe it gave me the edge I needed to pursue it further! The up shot is, losing your cool is never cool (but sometimes it feels so good).
In other mews the increase in tax allowance has left me £22 a week better off and that is much cooler than a slap in the face with a wet kipper.
Oh and my employers are going to pay my travel expenses for a year, after being redeployed, will make a small profit on that too. Cool.
Now I feel a little bit stupid for losing my temper, it didn't get me anywhere really or maybe it gave me the edge I needed to pursue it further! The up shot is, losing your cool is never cool (but sometimes it feels so good).
In other mews the increase in tax allowance has left me £22 a week better off and that is much cooler than a slap in the face with a wet kipper.
Oh and my employers are going to pay my travel expenses for a year, after being redeployed, will make a small profit on that too. Cool.
Tuesday, 16 April 2013
Lost the cool
So I went nuts at a person on the phone today, lost it, hot face, tunnel vision, the lot. Felt good to let it out. Perhaps they didn't deserve it, but I did ask repeatedly to speak to someone else but they insisted on me speaking to them. Both barrels discharged.
Lost my cool, found my temper!
Lost my cool, found my temper!
Monday, 15 April 2013
Odd one out
More is revealed to me about not being a fitter inner.
As Eleanor Rigby plays on my ancient iPod, I was confronted with a cosy recent photo of old uni 'pals'. I never fitted in there, despite this I thought I was pretty cool.
Social networking discloses more evidence of isolation. I am not invited to the Hen Do' (It has been pitched as 'bring on the Carnage', so maybe I am best off out of it), not invited to the wedding and not even an invite to the evening do'.
Being left out is so not cool
As Eleanor Rigby plays on my ancient iPod, I was confronted with a cosy recent photo of old uni 'pals'. I never fitted in there, despite this I thought I was pretty cool.
Social networking discloses more evidence of isolation. I am not invited to the Hen Do' (It has been pitched as 'bring on the Carnage', so maybe I am best off out of it), not invited to the wedding and not even an invite to the evening do'.
Being left out is so not cool
Sunday, 14 April 2013
Square peg, Round hole
Last post was in 2009! It's been a while and during that time I have been on antidepressants, not cool.
Today I am actually trying to get off them, withdrawal?, not too cool either.
It would seem that for years in my quest to be cool, I have just made myself miserable!
I would like to think I have had enough, need to embrace the misfit, the freak, the weirdo that I have always been. Get happy, get hip, get cool!
Today I am actually trying to get off them, withdrawal?, not too cool either.
It would seem that for years in my quest to be cool, I have just made myself miserable!
I would like to think I have had enough, need to embrace the misfit, the freak, the weirdo that I have always been. Get happy, get hip, get cool!
Sunday, 12 April 2009
Fancy That
The theme for the house warming party was school disco. I went to look for an outfit and realised that school girl is actually code for slut in the fancy dress world.
I get a little bit grumpy about fancy dress "I'm 31, not 5, why can't I go as myself?", but once I start getting the outfit together I get into the swing of it.
Well I looked like a slut and not at all like I did at school, I donned a blonde wig too which I really liked.
Fancy dress is cool.
Being grumpy about it is not cool
I get a little bit grumpy about fancy dress "I'm 31, not 5, why can't I go as myself?", but once I start getting the outfit together I get into the swing of it.
Well I looked like a slut and not at all like I did at school, I donned a blonde wig too which I really liked.
Fancy dress is cool.
Being grumpy about it is not cool
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
Baby Blues
I am due to go back to work at the end of the month. I have so enjoyed my time with my lovely Daughter and am so pleased I took the whole year.
I have looked at five different nursery places and done two inductions at two different places and although I was resigned to the fact that my Daughter would be there for only one day a week I really did not feel great about it, what if she needs me? What if she doesn't get the cuddles that she needs?
In theory I like the idea of nursery, getting to interact with lots of new people and Babies, social skills, structured play and different/messier play than we may do at home.
I had a knot in my stomach at the thought of leaving her and at the final hour my Mother in Law said she would have her. My Mother is having her the other day and a half.
Grandmothers and Mothers are cool.
Going back to work again may be cool.
Leaving my precious Baby with strangers who although doing a great job can't love my child like me is difficult and perhaps in time may be cool also!
I am so going to be one of those neurotic Mums, what do I mean I am going to be, I am!
I have looked at five different nursery places and done two inductions at two different places and although I was resigned to the fact that my Daughter would be there for only one day a week I really did not feel great about it, what if she needs me? What if she doesn't get the cuddles that she needs?
In theory I like the idea of nursery, getting to interact with lots of new people and Babies, social skills, structured play and different/messier play than we may do at home.
I had a knot in my stomach at the thought of leaving her and at the final hour my Mother in Law said she would have her. My Mother is having her the other day and a half.
Grandmothers and Mothers are cool.
Going back to work again may be cool.
Leaving my precious Baby with strangers who although doing a great job can't love my child like me is difficult and perhaps in time may be cool also!
I am so going to be one of those neurotic Mums, what do I mean I am going to be, I am!
Monday, 6 April 2009
Bad News
Whilst my Grandad was in the hospice my Grandma, his wife, became ill, it was almost like she had kept herself together to look after him at home and once she knew he was being looked after she allowed herself to fall apart a little.
After Grand passed away Grandma had her test results back and she was also diagnosed with Cancer.
It is so tragic for her, My Grandma and Grandad were married for 64 Years, can you imagine? She has lost him to Cancer and now has to face her own Cancer without him, it is hard to know what to say.
The Doctor seems hopeful and Grandma has a good family around her supporting her daily, mainly my lovely Mum and my Auntie.
Cancer is not cool.
Good Luck Grandma xxx
After Grand passed away Grandma had her test results back and she was also diagnosed with Cancer.
It is so tragic for her, My Grandma and Grandad were married for 64 Years, can you imagine? She has lost him to Cancer and now has to face her own Cancer without him, it is hard to know what to say.
The Doctor seems hopeful and Grandma has a good family around her supporting her daily, mainly my lovely Mum and my Auntie.
Cancer is not cool.
Good Luck Grandma xxx
Blog It!
Well, well I havent been blogging for an entire month almost, don't know where the time has gone, really I don't.
A lot has happened and it hasnt been easy.
I lost my lovely Grandad or 'Grand' as he was known to me, my Brother and Cousins.
He was very ill with both Bowel and lung Cancer and spent the last few months of his life in an wonderful local Hospice. He was really quite happy there which we were all suprised at because he was very much a home body bless him. The staff were superb and he was made so comfortable.
Grandads are very cool, my Grandad was the coolest.
Rest in Peace Grand xxx
A lot has happened and it hasnt been easy.
I lost my lovely Grandad or 'Grand' as he was known to me, my Brother and Cousins.
He was very ill with both Bowel and lung Cancer and spent the last few months of his life in an wonderful local Hospice. He was really quite happy there which we were all suprised at because he was very much a home body bless him. The staff were superb and he was made so comfortable.
Grandads are very cool, my Grandad was the coolest.
Rest in Peace Grand xxx
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
O Brother
I saw my Brother yesterday and he said to me "Do you know what is cool? Updating your Blog once in a while"
Oops, Sorry Bro!
I have just had a very restless night with my lovely 9 month old daughter. She is now the proud owner of two bottom teeth, which is very cute and she thinks is very cool because now she can bite (yes I am still feeding her myself...ouch).
Currently the two top teeth are waiting to break the surface in fact the one top tooth did last night. This leaves My Daughter with a very sore mouth and a disinclination to sleep, not cool.
I am tired for the record
Oops, Sorry Bro!
I have just had a very restless night with my lovely 9 month old daughter. She is now the proud owner of two bottom teeth, which is very cute and she thinks is very cool because now she can bite (yes I am still feeding her myself...ouch).
Currently the two top teeth are waiting to break the surface in fact the one top tooth did last night. This leaves My Daughter with a very sore mouth and a disinclination to sleep, not cool.
I am tired for the record
Friday, 27 February 2009
Mr Benn
I went to see Tony Benn speak at the new local theatre last night.
Mr Benn is now 84 years old and still gives talks most days about his life in politics.
He is a remarkable speaker and I urge anyone, regardless of their politics that if you have the chance to go and see him do.
Most of the eventing was him answering questions, nothing phased him.
Tony Benn is most definitley cool
Mr Benn is now 84 years old and still gives talks most days about his life in politics.
He is a remarkable speaker and I urge anyone, regardless of their politics that if you have the chance to go and see him do.
Most of the eventing was him answering questions, nothing phased him.
Tony Benn is most definitley cool
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Flippin' 'eck!
I only have pancakes on 'Pancake Day', also known as Shrove Tuesday, don't know why because they are lovely.
I made Banana pancakes with stewed Rubarb, delicious.
Must try harder and eat pancakes on more than one occasion a year
Yummy
I made Banana pancakes with stewed Rubarb, delicious.
Must try harder and eat pancakes on more than one occasion a year
Yummy
Friday, 20 February 2009
When I'm cleaning windows!
Hello
I am now the proud owner of a little purple Ukulele! I now have to learn how to play the bloody thing, no matter I am sure I will get the hang of it.
Ukulele's are so not cool, which is probably why I think it is one of the best plans I have ever had.
Soon I will have mastered the diminutive instrument and will be able to wow all my friends with hits such as "Clementine", "Jamaica Farewell" and the killer "Rivers of Babylon", well these are the tunes that I have in my Beginners Ukulele Book and DVD.
Wish me luck cool friends, I promise to remember you when I am headlining the next local fete.
Peace Out
I am now the proud owner of a little purple Ukulele! I now have to learn how to play the bloody thing, no matter I am sure I will get the hang of it.
Ukulele's are so not cool, which is probably why I think it is one of the best plans I have ever had.
Soon I will have mastered the diminutive instrument and will be able to wow all my friends with hits such as "Clementine", "Jamaica Farewell" and the killer "Rivers of Babylon", well these are the tunes that I have in my Beginners Ukulele Book and DVD.
Wish me luck cool friends, I promise to remember you when I am headlining the next local fete.
Peace Out
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Love Love Love
Happy Valentines Day xxx
Love is all you need.
Money is clearly not the route to happiness, it has now officially been proven.
Love is the coolest.
Long Live Love
Love is all you need.
Money is clearly not the route to happiness, it has now officially been proven.
Love is the coolest.
Long Live Love
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Weighting
I am a member of Weight Watchers, I know, I know I look so slim. Well I put on a lot of weight while I was pregnant and I don't regret a thing, if you can't pile it on whilst pregnant when can you? Managed to eat plentylast week, chocolate, cake and cheese plus some real ale, but due to the miracle of breastfeeding I managed to maintain my weight, cool as.
Waiting in for my new TV cabinet, I am second on the list apparently so that could mean any moment now or 4pm, waiting is not cool.
Waiting in for my new TV cabinet, I am second on the list apparently so that could mean any moment now or 4pm, waiting is not cool.
Sunday, 8 February 2009
I would like a day off
Whilst scraping off Weetabix, or as it was aptly renamed by a friend with four young children, Weld-a-bix!, from my Daughters face, highchair and myself I started to think. I looked round at the chaos of my living room and remembered a time when if I tidied up it stayed tidy for a week, now it is never tidy.
I thought about what my life was like before I had my Daughter and to be fair it was pretty shallow, don't get me wrong I am not suggesting that now I am a Mother my life is more fulfilling and meaningful than a single person, on the contrary my life is quite humdrum hence the name of this Blog.
I do not want to be the person who says "Once you have Children you will understand", however true that statement is no young Woman wants to hear that.
What I would say to young single Women is the three S's.
SLEEP. Please sleep, sleep as much as you can, have at least 8 hours a night and sleep in at every opportunity, it is not a waste of the day as your Mother told you (she was just jealous because she wasn't getting any, sleep that is, steady!).
SHOP. Yes it is shallow and very pleasurable. Buy lots of skinny jeans and really short skirts and strut your stuff, life is too short to cover up.
Be SINGLE. It is no secret that I enjoyed my single life. No point putting up with a pain in the behind boyfriend when you are young, dump him, delete his number and move on. It is also true that not having a boyfriend is great, most of my life has been single I should know.
I love my Partner and Daughter they mean the world to me and I now have my own family, it happened naturally and for a reason. It doesn't mean that while I am listening to my Daughter crying I don't want a day off sometime, just an hour or so..............
I thought about what my life was like before I had my Daughter and to be fair it was pretty shallow, don't get me wrong I am not suggesting that now I am a Mother my life is more fulfilling and meaningful than a single person, on the contrary my life is quite humdrum hence the name of this Blog.
I do not want to be the person who says "Once you have Children you will understand", however true that statement is no young Woman wants to hear that.
What I would say to young single Women is the three S's.
SLEEP. Please sleep, sleep as much as you can, have at least 8 hours a night and sleep in at every opportunity, it is not a waste of the day as your Mother told you (she was just jealous because she wasn't getting any, sleep that is, steady!).
SHOP. Yes it is shallow and very pleasurable. Buy lots of skinny jeans and really short skirts and strut your stuff, life is too short to cover up.
Be SINGLE. It is no secret that I enjoyed my single life. No point putting up with a pain in the behind boyfriend when you are young, dump him, delete his number and move on. It is also true that not having a boyfriend is great, most of my life has been single I should know.
I love my Partner and Daughter they mean the world to me and I now have my own family, it happened naturally and for a reason. It doesn't mean that while I am listening to my Daughter crying I don't want a day off sometime, just an hour or so..............
Thursday, 5 February 2009
White Out, What White Out?
Boring! The past four days have been monopolised by news about frozen rain, aka Snow. I am now supposed to be snowed in living on cans of beans and burning my last lump of coal, waiting for a St Bernard with a swig of Rum round his neck. However I am looking out the window where some snow, not an avalanche has covered the ground slightly, careful now it may be slippy. Weather hysteria is not cool, enough snow to make a snowman is cool.
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