What is it with this time of year?

For some unknown reason it would appear that at this time of year I get a real urge to start my Blog again.

It could be I have a laptop now instead of using my clever but small phone, yay for 15.5 inches!

Courage to grow some

I said the serenity prayer this morning on the drive to work. I was asking for the wisdom and courage to say something in a meeting.

A particularly challenging colleague had royally pissed me off and I needed to say something about it. And I did. But now I am not sure it was the right thing to do. Balls.

I was told to grow a pair before I transferred and I didn't like that suggestion then, or the way I feel now.

But I have never been good with discomfort of any kind. Perhaps courage is uncomfortable.

I mostly want to take the edge off with something, food usually. However now I think about it I could have mugged these two young lads today for their tobacco!

No worries then, I will just have to sit in my own poo for a while. Balls.

The Inevitable

Well I have lost my motivation. It doesn't take much, an innocent trip to the shop, followed by a massive binge, an upset tummy and the eating of binge leftovers which inevitably leads to more binging then a complete crash.

I am tired too, which doesn't help.

The thought of getting on that bloody trampette is too painful.

The Internet has told me this is to be expected and perhaps my expectations were never in line with my motivation etc blah.

It will take an outstanding feat of super human will to get me on the wagon again.

That is if I have picked the right wagon in the first place

Well then, what's going on?

I have been withdrawing from the antidepressants for the best part of a week and still having the shocking side effects!

Been doing plenty of exercise and eating right but yesterday evening I went to get bread.

First off walked 4.4 miles because my local shop won't except a sale under £5 with a debit card (one of my pet hates) and the cash machine charges £1.80 for each withdrawal (another pet hate).

As well as bread I picked up two boxes of obscene Belgian triple chocolate cookies, on offer as two for £2.50, didn't need them, so not a bargain really. While waiting in the queue I scanned the cigarettes looking to see which would be the 'lightest' to smoke and if they sold them in 10's.

Haven't smoked in almost 8 years! Why indulge the false idea that smoking may be a good idea?

I do this, think excess food will make me feel different or take the edge off or stop the boredom. I wish the things I went for, weren't so damaging? And a bargain isn't a bargain unless you really need it.

Calm after the storm

After blowing my top yesterday, I have had a result!

Now I feel a little bit stupid for losing my temper, it didn't get me anywhere really or maybe it gave me the edge I needed to pursue it further! The up shot is, losing your cool is never cool (but sometimes it feels so good).

In other mews the increase in tax allowance has left me £22 a week better off and that is much cooler than a slap in the face with a wet kipper.

Oh and my employers are going to pay my travel expenses for a year, after being redeployed, will make a small profit on that too. Cool.

Lost the cool

So I went nuts at a person on the phone today, lost it, hot face, tunnel vision, the lot. Felt good to let it out. Perhaps they didn't deserve it, but I did ask repeatedly to speak to someone else but they insisted on me speaking to them. Both barrels discharged.

Lost my cool, found my temper!

Odd one out

More is revealed to me about not being a fitter inner.

As Eleanor Rigby plays on my ancient iPod, I was confronted with a cosy recent photo of old uni 'pals'. I never fitted in there, despite this I thought I was pretty cool.

Social networking discloses more evidence of isolation. I am not invited to the Hen Do' (It has been pitched as 'bring on the Carnage', so maybe I am best off out of it), not invited to the wedding and not  even an invite to the evening do'.

Being left out is so not cool